Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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