i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's blow job season.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
