I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
