you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
