Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
