I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
