wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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