Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
