hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
