the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
