K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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