My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
