You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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