this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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