I wanna bring you to show and tell
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
