I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
