so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
