I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
