real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize