Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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