A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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