im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
