Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
