dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize