I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
