Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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