And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
