so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
