Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
