I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
