I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
