Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
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Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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