so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
