Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sober January is a disaster.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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