btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
