it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
