suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
