Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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