porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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