...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm like, not good at living.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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