I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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