the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
how drunk are you?
Several
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
