I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize