Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
