Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Say something about gay babies.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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