Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
