2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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