He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
