bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
