I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
