ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
