hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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