I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
