I can tuck mytits in my pants
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Still dying that you shit outside
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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