Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
