who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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