the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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