I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
