Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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