my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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