Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
