Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
