This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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