took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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