you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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